Crystal - Thespian - Director's cut

Today I went to view the director's cut of my scene as Tiffany Maple, the lawyer who goes to the wrong house to deliver the wonderful news that she's won the case, in the film now called The Burden of Esteem (fka Rendition). Jim, the director, has been telling me all along how pleased he was with my performance, saying I'm cute -- it's an over-the-top comedic scene, so being told I'm cute and funny in it is a good thing. But I've been apprehensive, wondering if he's just saying that, but taking comfort in the fact that I have seemed to deliver what he was looking for. After all, think lawyer, lawyer talk, lots of dialogue, expository type of dialogue -- not the cute back and forth banter that is so much more easy to remember because you get a rhythm going. So you can see why I was apprehensive.

Now you have two types of actors... those who watch their own dailies and those that don't. And I understand both sides -- the little bit I've done before this I never want to see again, although others thought it was okay. You watch yourself and you can learn for next time. On the other hand you see all the choices you didn't make or could have made. And why did I do that?

The first thing I noticed were the personal negatives -- didn't like the way I looked, didn't like the way I talked, didn't like the way I dressed -- and thank God, I've lost weight since then. But then the good parts happened, and I found myself laughing along with Jim. It actually works. I could actually see the quirky character he was going for.

For as conscious as I was of all the dialogue I had to deliver, I had thought out how I wanted to deliver certain lines and the actions I wanted to perform while delivering them. I'm surprised at how much of what I planned for each piece of dialogue was actually there. And I was surprised by neat little nuances that I didn't know were there, had not planned, but which appeared organically. All in all, it looks good.

I can't wait to see the rest of director's cut. I didn't have time to sit through all of it, but hopefully he'll burn me a DVD soon. We still have a few scenes to finish, because he's added on, but it's exciting. Besides, I want it done and in the stores and on my IMDBpro page.

And then he has dangled another challenge for my lawyer alter ego, Tiffany Maple... telling me he wants to test my dramatic skills. Oh goody. I get to be mean and insensitive, then guilty and caring. Sounds like even more fun.

Another Star in the Sky

That was the message on a sympathy card I looked at for a friend who had very recently died. And I could see her becoming a bright light in our firmament. Lily definitely loved the stars. She was a teacher and a science fiction fan. She and her husband traveled the world and went to plays and concerts. When I first moved to LA, she was the only one I knew whom I could drag to the big rock concerts and we did that until her health made it impossible for her to climb stairs and walk distances in those big stadiums. She collected unicorns and fancy masks.

She had thousands of books and hundreds of fanzines. When you say someone has a library room in their house, you picture floor-to-ceiling bookshelves built into the walls. Her room looked like a library -- rows upon rows of bookcases, with narrow paths in between, filled up one room -- just as you would see in a library. And still the books would spill out into the other rooms.

She went to science fiction conventions and held parties in her house -- nowhere else have I gone to Guy Fawkes parties. She wrote stories that people around the world read and read theirs in return. She had friends around the world. She was generous with her friends and made friendships easily.

We shared a love of cats and every Christmas, she would give me a little book on cats. Her house was littered with paintings she bought at science fiction conventions.

LILY FULFORD was far from perfect -- she didn't take good care of herself and rarely listened to constructive criticism about her writing. She had a quirk of only calling people after 11pm when the rates were cheapest, and keeping her phone off the hook when she was too busy to talk so that people wouldn't leave messages that would mean she'd have to return a call. But she was a loving, good-intentioned person and well-loved in return.

We had our first party since her passing and her husband, now widower, JOHN FULFORD came. He talked about writing a book about their adventures in South America where they took buses all over and slept outside when they ran out of money. John also talked about setting up a memorial fund to send a deserving fan who doesn't have the lolly to a con once a year. Lily would love that idea -- did I say she loved science fiction and going to cons herself? It will be a great tribute and will allow a lot of people who loved her to contribute.

She had many many friends, here, abroad, everywhere. I often wonder, when the time comes, whether there will be anyone who will care to write my epitaph, or see me off, but Lily doesn't have to worry about that. She had more friends than she could count.

And yes, I do believe she is a new star in the heavens, shining down her warmth on us. May she rest in peace.