"More than word can wield the matter:" Goneril takes on King Lear

Fathers and daughters, a classic conundrum that has kept Shakespeare's King Lear play relevant for centuries. Last night I did my first real performance as Goneril in our stage reading work-in-progress of the play. And it was quite a wondrous feeling to play Goneril standing up to her dad, King Lear (played magnificently by DON BALDARAMOS, pictured to the right and below).

The plan had always been to perform the stage reading of the first two acts with audience on Don's birthday, which was December 6th, but apparently there was some kind of football game on that all the guys wanted to see, so we didn't go that elaborate. Nevertheless, we were still forging ahead, even if none of us invited anyone to see us. Too chicken, perhaps.

In my case, although I have friends who have expressed interest in seeing me play Goneril, I wanted to get one performance under my belt before I had the added stress of knowing friends were watching me perform. After all, the last time I had done any Shakespeare was a class project in high school, where we rendered Macbeth into modern hip talk. Our Lear guru, Don, told me that at this point, it would be best to just invite other actors because they understand 'work in progress'.

Actors also do another great thing... they seem to create a safe environment for a new person to explore and experiment and find her feet with them. And because they do so, it was so much fun to work with them.

I was prepared to work this night off book, with all my lines memorized. I also had my "actor's prop" -- a prop that represented the character to me and the backstory drawn of why, how, and what that item means to Goneril. It was a personal and powerful link to the character and I was proud that I was able to subtly work it into my performance.

Instead of reading text from our seats, Don (King Lear) and I (Goneril) were on our feet and in each other's faces. And what a difference it makes to the power of the piece. This was very evident in even the first scene we had together, where Lear demands of his daughters declarations of their love for him.

To me, Goneril is a chip off the old block in terms of strength and desire to be the one in charge. Her love for him is conflicted with the fact that he is making her jump through hoops to get a portion of the inheritance she should get in the entirety through primogeniture, would get if she were a son. Faced with such flagrant, capricious autocracy, she can hardly be blamed for feeling thus: Tell the old bastard what he wants to hear and not to worry what the truth is.

Going toe to toe, in each other's face, even in this insincere declaration of all-encompassing love makes it so believable that Lear would see sincerity in the sheer power of it.

But most illuminating of all was to stand there when Lear was ranting at me in my face. The harsh names and curses he rained down on me in rage and borderline insanity were hard to take and maintain composure... hard to not shrivel up and back away. While Goneril and her sister Regan may be the greedy, ungrateful betrayers of their father that people see them as, this made me appreciate how brave and strong they were to have stood up against their former and possibly still absolute monarch. Who could have had them killed in a heartbeat, or worse. And who maybe still can. Or at least Lear thinks he can... resume the mantle he gave away if he so wishes. It was chilling...

... and yet, exciting to be caught up in that powerful dynamic.

I can't wait to be part of the next step forward. And this time, I may even invite some friends over.